I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
