If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Houston, we have a squirter
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
