I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
