I could have mohawked her pubes.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
