Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
