Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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