omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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