i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
