I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
