That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize