Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
