She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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