So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
