The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
