have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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