I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
