So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I lost the right to judge tonight
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
