Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
