the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
