Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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