girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
