i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
