my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
