dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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