oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
