So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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