We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
