i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize