I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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