I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
