i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
