while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My life is pants optional.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
