I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
