he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
