I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
