Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
