Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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