Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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