Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Randomize
