My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
