I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
