Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
