I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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