My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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