I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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