ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
