I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
