we should wear snuggies to the strip club
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
