Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
