I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
