You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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