thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
