somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
