cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
