you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
