she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
