Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
NoShamevember. You game?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
