Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
