My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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