i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
