i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
