i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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