We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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