Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
As shirtless as possible
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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