found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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