she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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