I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
