pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
