don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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