I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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