then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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