Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
